Xmas in the Library by Matt Holland

Santa in the library … Yo Ho Ho ….

On Christmas Day Librarian Santa is sitting at the Library Issue Desk renewing overdue books – forever. The elves are sorting the books missing books are miraculously reappearing on the shelves. Occasionally a library user looks round the door to offer help and a festive greeting.

#1 The paramedic

Amazingly he has a few moments to spare and looks in. “Hi, my friends” he says “I have eight minutes. I just wondered if you had any surveys you would like us to fill in.” Santa is delighted, he has hundreds of uncompleted questionnaires evaluating everything from library impact, teaching sessions to the library décor. “Love to have your help” he says, “take a magic pen they’re free, don’t stop until the ink runs out. It never will.”

#2 The happy administrator

The happy administrator drops by. “Santa”, she says, “I heard you have fully costed the library this Christmas and generated lots of lovely spreadsheets. Lets share an eggnog and go through them in minute detail.” “No need” says Santa. He throws fairy dust on the computer. “They all auto complete and show a ridiculously favourable outcome. Ho, Ho, Sum. Come in and have some eggnog anyway.”

#3 The A&E Registrar

The A&E Registrar looks round the door. “Nothing doing in A&E” he says. Santa has implemented the Christmas Advanced Miracle Plan (CAMP). Patients who turn up at A&E are instantly treated and go home.

“I have brought a few friends down” he says “we want to spend a few hours recording our views on how the Library impacts on clinical outcomes. Do you have a spare dictaphone?” He looks at the Paramedic happily cracking jokes over piles of completed surveys and the administrator dozing over spreadsheets that appear to be completing themselves. “My psychic elf will read your mind and take notes” says Santa. “Have a glass of eggnog. You’re going to need it.”

#4 The NHS Facilities Manager

The NHS Facilities Manager walks in for some advice. “I am having a funny day Santa” she says, “I just have to think of a solution and problems solve themselves.” “Come in” says Santa “and take a look around.” As she walks around the WiFi cranks up to light speed. The worn carpet by the door repairs itself. The computers self install Windows 10 and IE 11. “Better sit down” says Santa “have some eggnog before you burn out”.

#5 The IT Manager

He drops by and looks at the battered old desktops struggling to run Windows 10. “I’ve just had a batch of computers delivered”, he says “and I don’t know what to do with them. Why don’t I bring them here and replace this rubbish.” For the first time that day, Santa’s brow furrows with worry. “Come over here” Santa says “and have some eggnog. I have some hilarious stories about Rudolf and our new Elvin Sat Nav.” As the IT Manager settles into a magically comfy chair that appears next to Santa, Santa gives the signal to the IT Elf to sort IT. In ten elf minutes the new computers are unpacked, installed, connected to the network and a new laser printer. All run the latest version of every software at improbable speeds. The IT Manager dozes and dreams of getting a job in Cupertino CA.

#6 David, the regional library manager

David pops his head round the door. “Surprise inspection.” He chuckles. Santa hands him a pair of rose tinted spectacles. “Put these on” Santa said. “Everything is perfect”. Indeed it was. Santa called over the psychic elf and handed him a piece of paper with 100% written on it. For a split second the words 100% appeared in every ones head. “100%” said David as he left clutching a complimentary bottle of eggnog.

#7 Evidence based magic

Santa lent over and poked the A&E Registrar in the ribs. “The great thing is”, said Santa, “all my magic is evidence-based”. The glasses of eggnog refilled as he spoke.” Santa put his boots on the Enquiry Desk and threw Rudolf a carrot as he read a copy of Common hoof complaints in Reindeers – a theoretical approach.

Happy Christmas all of you in health care library land, thought Santa. Who is visiting your Library this Christmas?

NWAS LKS magic library service, supported by Santa. 25 December 2015. Expires 31 December 2015.

Matt Holland  [ Matt.Holland@nwas,nhs.uk ]
NWAS LKS,  supported by HCLU North.
November 2015

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1 Response to Xmas in the Library by Matt Holland

  1. Janet Peters says:

    Lovely vision Matt. Hope Santa keeps up the good work in the new year too – and learns how to clone him/her self. We could all do with one !

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